Ever Wonder..?

Dear douches drivers of Fairfield,

If you have one of those fat as fuck SUVs, and I know most of you do, don’t park in compact spaces smartass! Your car is so far from compact that if that is the new compact standard mine is a hot wheel.

Old people? I love you, but fucking learn to drive please.

Blinkers? You know those things that make the annoying clicky sound in your car? For fucks sake, use them already! That is what they are there for. Especially you fuck faces at the light in front of my complex, yeah I’m calling you out. Blinkers are essential for lights like that because guess what? The people going straight don’t know if your dumbass is turning or not!

Also, you know the black stuff you drive on? There are words written on it. I know you need to know how to read to get a license. So do it. That’s not a question, theres important information on the asphault.

Learn to use a parking lot. There are arrows in the different aisles for cars to park in, they are there for a reason. Because you have a penis compensating car does not mean you get to go against these arrows. The people going the right way will want to kill you with their brains.

I know, night driving is inevitable, its almost always like that in Alaska so consider yourselves lucky. Learn to drive in the dark! You don’t speed up to a stop sign when you will be on the side of a busy road, I don’t care how good your brakes are, I don’t want to be side swiped.

People with those bright halogen headlights? I know its not your fault, but I hate you and your stupid car.

Hey you young guys with those oh so fast sports cars that they have to floor at every possible opportunity? Yeah, you guys. I don’t feel bad hoping you ram your face into a tree whenever you do that. Just because your car can go that fast doesn’t mean you do it, assface.

Cell phone users? And I don’t mean the people who just got a call from someone who needs information; I mean people in traffic that have been on their phones for as long as theres been traffic, yeah about two hours or so? Pay fucking attention! I bet it would be very embarassing for you to ram that expensive ass car into someones rear bumper because you were debating about what type of Starbucks drink you were going to get before work.

To those people that drive about 5 miles under the speed limit? Yeah, I don’t like you. Especially in residential areas. Going 25 is not going to kill you, but me having to go 15 because of your dumbass might.

As a closing thought, to those really douchey people who like to think the street is an obstacle course? No! Bad bad driver! No license for you! Go take a nice long walk across a big busy street in New York and relieve me of my misery.

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 22nd, 2006 at 8:02 pm and is filed under General, Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.